Hey, so it feels like I’ve been in an existential crisis loop for the past couple of decades. Every year, I find myself grappling with the same questions about what I want to do with my life, thinking about it over and over again.
In some ways, I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing—I’m a pastor, a father of four, blessed with a great wife. Yet, I still feel this constant need to search for something more.
Even though I’m content in many aspects of my life, I can’t shake this feeling of longing for a deeper impact, a greater sense of fulfillment. It’s like I’m endlessly spinning, trying to find my footing.
But amidst the turmoil, there are moments of peace. Lately, I’ve been learning to slow down, to cherish time with my family, to be present in the moment. It’s in those simple moments, like playing with my kids, that I find a sense of joy.
I’ve been intentionally scaling back on YouTube, prioritizing real-life experiences over screen time. My generation is so obsessed with documenting every moment that we forget to actually live them. I want to focus less on preserving memories and more on making them.
My family means everything to me. Each one of them is unique, with their own strengths and quirks. Watching them grow fills me with so much love and pride, but it also makes me reflect on my role in their lives.
I tend to dwell on past mistakes, wondering if I’ve done more harm than good. But I’m learning to forgive myself, to embrace the present, and to strive for a better future—for myself and for my kids.
I know I’ll probably continue to wrestle with existential questions in the years to come. It’s just part of who I am—an overthinker, a seeker of meaning. But as long as it doesn’t paralyze me, as long as I can still find joy in the everyday, I’ll be okay.
Life is full of ups and downs, uncertainties and joys. But no matter what, I choose to hold on to hope, to find joy in the little things. And I hope you do too.
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